Yarny days

I am taking part in a dye-a-long competition. It's so exciting - my first comp. The rules are that you have to spiral dye, which is something you do with fibre to get one continual gradient colour with no repeats, or a selection of colours with no repeats. Obviously, you cant do that with yarn, so instead I made 5 mini skeins all connected and dyed each skein a different colour. I was going to do a gradient, but couldn't decide what colour to do. The colours didn't come out exactly as planned, I had no green, so had to mix it myself, which didn't go great - I can never get a strong green, its always a bit yellow (and yes I've tried adding more blue), so that affected the blue as well, as I needed to make the turquoise from scratch. Anyway, I'm still pretty happy with it, and I think perhaps I will do a gradient like this for a hat for Hudson next winter, its a pretty cool method.

The colours I wanted to achieve


Mini skeins (so cute)


Mixed colour


In the pan ready to cook


Finished, just drying


I don't know what to make with it, its 50g so maybe a calorimetry or maybe it'll just go in my store lol.

Blueberry breakfast yumminess

I made up the yummiest breakfast, which the whole family loves. It is rather healthy too.

Blueberry infused oaty yoghurt.

Ingredients
1 cup jumbo oats
1 handful of jumbo oats
1 punnet blueberries (about 50)
1kilo tub natural yoghurt
fresh pressed apple juice

Put your 1 cup of oats in a bowl and cover in apple juice. soak over night.

take 3/4 of your punnet of blueberries and crush/whizz until smooth. stir into yoghurt. Drain any excess apple juice off oats (keep juice) and pour oats into yoghurt, stir through. Add the remaining blueberries and unsoaked oats and stir through along with a bit of the juice you drained, just to thin it down a bit.

Tada! It is SO tasty, and really really filling! Hudson normally has 2 slices of toast and fruit for brekkie, but today he had one small bowl of this and ate a tiny banana after and was stuffed.

Here it comes

I feel it seeping through my pores, flowing through my veins.  It's back.  

My sister told me this morning she thinks she is pregnant.  She took 2 tests, both are positive.  She is pregnant.  I'm happy for her, they were wanting to start trying this year for number 3.  But I am so insanely jealous it's not funny.  It's taking all my might not to burst into tears.  Why her and not me?  

Unless you have either wanted a baby and not fallen right away or wanted a baby and not been in the position to get pregnant, I don't think you'd understand that tug right in your gut, that makes you feel physically nauseous all the time and that ebbing of pure vile jealousy when you see someone with a bump or newborn.  Whether you have a child or not, doesn't stop it happening.

I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I just want to sleep and never wake up.  The pang of needing to be pregnant is taking over my life.  I remember being like this last time, my friend text me to tell me she had given birth and I burst into tears at work and I couldn't work all day, the feeling got worse and worse.  I was pleased for her, it was lovely to see her being a mum and I know how much she wanted that baby, but omg, it just tears you apart.  

I am piling on the pounds, I cant stop myself.  I feel terrible, so I eat.  It makes me feel worse, but I don't want to stop.  It's like I'm on a quest to make my life more miserable than I already feel.  Is that why I'm not pregnant?  Because I'm fat?  I don't think so, lots of fat people get pregnant.  Is it because I'm still breastfeeding?  I don't think so, lots of people who are still nursing fall pregnant.  There is no reason for it, I just am not getting pregnant.  It doesn't help that I have such self loathing that I can't bare to even look at my naked body.  I feel nothing attractive about myself.  My hair is suffering, and I'm losing loads of it.  I'm starting to take a vitamin supplement for that, I've always had loads of hair, but even my mum commented on how thin and dead it looks recently.  

I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out - well until I have another baby growing in my body anyway.  I lay there at night remembering Hudson in utero, how I'd be laying there and feel his tiny body moving inside, how it made me feel so special to have that tiny person rely totally on me to protect it and help it grow.  Maybe that is why I'm still breastfeeding, it still gives me that control, that ability to help him grow and be strong and love me.  Is that a bad thing?  

I am going to see my sister tonight for a girls night, and I have to sit there all night keeping her secret from everyone else, all the while being a happy go lucky girl, hiding the black hole that is burrowing its way deeper into my soul.  Great.

Pretty in Punk

I've finished the skirty. I'm pretty happy with it. The baby I've made for has chunka thighs so I decided against putting a cuff on the leg holes as it would make it too tight. I might change the drawstring. I dyed the length of yarn after I dyed the main yarn and its come out a slightly darker pink. I'm not sure - opinions?

Anyway, I like the way the colour blocked in the main body and then varigated nicely on the skirt. All in all I'm pleased with it, but SO glad its done. Just the shoes to make tonight and then I can post it all off.

Front

Underneath

Back

LAAAAUUUURRRRAAAAAA MAIL!!!!

HURRAH!!!!!!!!!! I got my Inner Stitch Yarn Club march slot today. It's gorgeous! I got the boy colourway, and it's just stunning. I got 200g of the colour and then a 50g contrast. I think I may knit a vest for Hudson out of it.

Look how beautifully it was packaged...


Out the packaging


The little free gift


Then I got some bad mail..


It's Hudsons appointment for his surgery. It's on April 7th, at 7.30am. I'm REALLY cross. I specifically asked not to go that hospital, it's an hours drive away, and the surgeon works at the hospital 20mins away. I guess there is not much I can do about it, but it means I need to get Hudson up so ultra early and he's not allowed anything to eat or drink once he wakes and will have to sit in the car for an hour before all the pre-surgery and stuff. I'm not even worried about the surgery, its a 10minute op, which has a maximum blood loss of 5ml so that is fine. I need to ring the hospital to ask about breastfeeding. The letter says for babies under 1 can have formula until midnight and breastfed babies can have bm until 5am. They just said Hudson cant have any food after midnight and only water until 6am, I guess they wouldn't expect a 2yo to still be breastfeeding.

On another note, I am ALMOST finished the skirty. literally on my last row and then just need to do the leg cuffs. phew, it's taken me forever!!! Well, 3 weeks for a dress and skirt, but it's much longer than things normally take me, I think because I'm on a schedule I cant knit fast enough ha.

sneak peak..

Alligator Anarchy

I dyed last night. I tried a new method, and I am SO pleased with the results. It is quite different, and a joy to do. I started with a green base and added a selection of blood orange, blue and purple in an unusual method. I left it to cook for 30 or so minutes and then poured a load of vinegar in to make sure it was fully exhausted. The end result is flashes of bright vivid colour amongst a sea of green. The blood orange split slightly so there are some soft yellow hues to it too. As soon as Dan saw it he said it reminded him of an alligator, so its called 'Alligator Anarchy' (the anarchist bit being the punky blues and purples). It is certainly my favourite dye job so far, although I am uncertain how it will knit up. It will be going in my store shortly, and once my koolaid comes I will try this a few different ways.


Base Colour

Cookin' away

Just cooling

Alligator Anarchy

Doh Boy

Hudsons little play.doh escapade yesterday, he had a lovely morning. We made faces - I did the head and eyes, he did the rest - I love the ears haha. The resulting product from his morning play however was a giant lump of brownish/purple doh all destined for the bin. Better dig out my recipe and make him some more!