Yarny days

I am taking part in a dye-a-long competition. It's so exciting - my first comp. The rules are that you have to spiral dye, which is something you do with fibre to get one continual gradient colour with no repeats, or a selection of colours with no repeats. Obviously, you cant do that with yarn, so instead I made 5 mini skeins all connected and dyed each skein a different colour. I was going to do a gradient, but couldn't decide what colour to do. The colours didn't come out exactly as planned, I had no green, so had to mix it myself, which didn't go great - I can never get a strong green, its always a bit yellow (and yes I've tried adding more blue), so that affected the blue as well, as I needed to make the turquoise from scratch. Anyway, I'm still pretty happy with it, and I think perhaps I will do a gradient like this for a hat for Hudson next winter, its a pretty cool method.

The colours I wanted to achieve


Mini skeins (so cute)


Mixed colour


In the pan ready to cook


Finished, just drying


I don't know what to make with it, its 50g so maybe a calorimetry or maybe it'll just go in my store lol.

Blueberry breakfast yumminess

I made up the yummiest breakfast, which the whole family loves. It is rather healthy too.

Blueberry infused oaty yoghurt.

Ingredients
1 cup jumbo oats
1 handful of jumbo oats
1 punnet blueberries (about 50)
1kilo tub natural yoghurt
fresh pressed apple juice

Put your 1 cup of oats in a bowl and cover in apple juice. soak over night.

take 3/4 of your punnet of blueberries and crush/whizz until smooth. stir into yoghurt. Drain any excess apple juice off oats (keep juice) and pour oats into yoghurt, stir through. Add the remaining blueberries and unsoaked oats and stir through along with a bit of the juice you drained, just to thin it down a bit.

Tada! It is SO tasty, and really really filling! Hudson normally has 2 slices of toast and fruit for brekkie, but today he had one small bowl of this and ate a tiny banana after and was stuffed.

Here it comes

I feel it seeping through my pores, flowing through my veins.  It's back.  

My sister told me this morning she thinks she is pregnant.  She took 2 tests, both are positive.  She is pregnant.  I'm happy for her, they were wanting to start trying this year for number 3.  But I am so insanely jealous it's not funny.  It's taking all my might not to burst into tears.  Why her and not me?  

Unless you have either wanted a baby and not fallen right away or wanted a baby and not been in the position to get pregnant, I don't think you'd understand that tug right in your gut, that makes you feel physically nauseous all the time and that ebbing of pure vile jealousy when you see someone with a bump or newborn.  Whether you have a child or not, doesn't stop it happening.

I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I just want to sleep and never wake up.  The pang of needing to be pregnant is taking over my life.  I remember being like this last time, my friend text me to tell me she had given birth and I burst into tears at work and I couldn't work all day, the feeling got worse and worse.  I was pleased for her, it was lovely to see her being a mum and I know how much she wanted that baby, but omg, it just tears you apart.  

I am piling on the pounds, I cant stop myself.  I feel terrible, so I eat.  It makes me feel worse, but I don't want to stop.  It's like I'm on a quest to make my life more miserable than I already feel.  Is that why I'm not pregnant?  Because I'm fat?  I don't think so, lots of fat people get pregnant.  Is it because I'm still breastfeeding?  I don't think so, lots of people who are still nursing fall pregnant.  There is no reason for it, I just am not getting pregnant.  It doesn't help that I have such self loathing that I can't bare to even look at my naked body.  I feel nothing attractive about myself.  My hair is suffering, and I'm losing loads of it.  I'm starting to take a vitamin supplement for that, I've always had loads of hair, but even my mum commented on how thin and dead it looks recently.  

I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out - well until I have another baby growing in my body anyway.  I lay there at night remembering Hudson in utero, how I'd be laying there and feel his tiny body moving inside, how it made me feel so special to have that tiny person rely totally on me to protect it and help it grow.  Maybe that is why I'm still breastfeeding, it still gives me that control, that ability to help him grow and be strong and love me.  Is that a bad thing?  

I am going to see my sister tonight for a girls night, and I have to sit there all night keeping her secret from everyone else, all the while being a happy go lucky girl, hiding the black hole that is burrowing its way deeper into my soul.  Great.

Pretty in Punk

I've finished the skirty. I'm pretty happy with it. The baby I've made for has chunka thighs so I decided against putting a cuff on the leg holes as it would make it too tight. I might change the drawstring. I dyed the length of yarn after I dyed the main yarn and its come out a slightly darker pink. I'm not sure - opinions?

Anyway, I like the way the colour blocked in the main body and then varigated nicely on the skirt. All in all I'm pleased with it, but SO glad its done. Just the shoes to make tonight and then I can post it all off.

Front

Underneath

Back

LAAAAUUUURRRRAAAAAA MAIL!!!!

HURRAH!!!!!!!!!! I got my Inner Stitch Yarn Club march slot today. It's gorgeous! I got the boy colourway, and it's just stunning. I got 200g of the colour and then a 50g contrast. I think I may knit a vest for Hudson out of it.

Look how beautifully it was packaged...


Out the packaging


The little free gift


Then I got some bad mail..


It's Hudsons appointment for his surgery. It's on April 7th, at 7.30am. I'm REALLY cross. I specifically asked not to go that hospital, it's an hours drive away, and the surgeon works at the hospital 20mins away. I guess there is not much I can do about it, but it means I need to get Hudson up so ultra early and he's not allowed anything to eat or drink once he wakes and will have to sit in the car for an hour before all the pre-surgery and stuff. I'm not even worried about the surgery, its a 10minute op, which has a maximum blood loss of 5ml so that is fine. I need to ring the hospital to ask about breastfeeding. The letter says for babies under 1 can have formula until midnight and breastfed babies can have bm until 5am. They just said Hudson cant have any food after midnight and only water until 6am, I guess they wouldn't expect a 2yo to still be breastfeeding.

On another note, I am ALMOST finished the skirty. literally on my last row and then just need to do the leg cuffs. phew, it's taken me forever!!! Well, 3 weeks for a dress and skirt, but it's much longer than things normally take me, I think because I'm on a schedule I cant knit fast enough ha.

sneak peak..

Alligator Anarchy

I dyed last night. I tried a new method, and I am SO pleased with the results. It is quite different, and a joy to do. I started with a green base and added a selection of blood orange, blue and purple in an unusual method. I left it to cook for 30 or so minutes and then poured a load of vinegar in to make sure it was fully exhausted. The end result is flashes of bright vivid colour amongst a sea of green. The blood orange split slightly so there are some soft yellow hues to it too. As soon as Dan saw it he said it reminded him of an alligator, so its called 'Alligator Anarchy' (the anarchist bit being the punky blues and purples). It is certainly my favourite dye job so far, although I am uncertain how it will knit up. It will be going in my store shortly, and once my koolaid comes I will try this a few different ways.


Base Colour

Cookin' away

Just cooling

Alligator Anarchy

Doh Boy

Hudsons little play.doh escapade yesterday, he had a lovely morning. We made faces - I did the head and eyes, he did the rest - I love the ears haha. The resulting product from his morning play however was a giant lump of brownish/purple doh all destined for the bin. Better dig out my recipe and make him some more!

Hummer V Ferrari

There has been a family debate all evening of what Hudson is getting for his birthday in a couple of weeks, it was a choice of a ride on Hummer or Ferrari the decision has been made and he is getting a......

with a 'Hudson' number plate. He is going to love it. I still don't know when he will use it, but Dan seems impressed.

Dye baby dye

Weeee!!! I'm taking part in my first dye along this month. pretty exciting stuff, doubt I'll win though lol. I have a hankering for a good dye session, but I'm trying to preserve my last few hundred grams of yarn. I think i might have a quick go this afternoon at something though, maybe kettle dyeing, I haven't done that in a loooong time.

I just need to clean the kitchen, it seems a crockery explosion has taken place before my very eyes!

Hudson is playing play.doh and just keeps asking me to do faces and cars. my hands are play.doh encrusted - as are his.

It's lovely and sunny today, but so very cold. I haven't even bothered to put the washing on the line, first off I'll die of freezation putting it out, and I don't think it'll dry when its so cold. Too much effort - just bung it in the dryer.

The postie STILL hasn't been. I'm totally hanging for my Inner Stitch yarn club to come through. Everyone seems to have theirs except me. I know its because I'm halfway around the world, but I am impatient dammit! I unfortunately know what its going to look like... silly ol' me looked on Rav and saw the spoilers. Its gorgeous!! I got the boy colourway, 200g of colour and 50g semi solid. I have literally NO idea what to with it. I'm over knitting longies. I wanted to do a spring sweater for Hudson, but I don't think 250g will be enough. I might just do a tank top that he can wear with a tee for spring.

Grey...

Today I found not one, but lots of grey hairs. Sadness.

Easy like a sunday morning

A lovely weekend had by all. I went to see my brother and the new baby, she is tiny. I don't remember Hudson being so small even though he was almost 1lb smaller. I didn't take any pictures, I forgot. Dan took Hudson to his brothers and went to the park, while I chillaxed cuddling a teeny baby - good deal.

I got a lot of knitting done, I am almost finished the skirty, it's taking forever, I just hope it fits and she likes it, it was my first consignment, and has taken almost a month. I will take pictures when it's all done.

I bought some dresses, they were soooo cheap and I will get hella use out of them in the summer. they are high neck, so no boobage, and just on the knee - perfect. I can't wait for it to warm up so I can wear them.


Mum bought us a rug for the lounge, which came yesterday as well...

It's already fitting in, covered in toys and Hudsons trainers he kicked off.

Was a weird night last night, I dreamt all night that Hudson was playing in the garden and kept opening the back gate and running away. I felt terrible with a banging headache this morning. He woke at 7.30am - yuk! It seems gone are the days when he slept in til 9am. But on the plus side, he came running into the bedroom shouting 'wake mummy, wake' and gave me a lovely cuddle. He didn't want booby though, and he didn't really want any before his nap this afternoon, perhaps he is finally weaning. I'm not sure how I feel about it, relief in a way, but also sad that he is growing up. I'm so proud of myself for getting to the 2 year mark though. But then again who knows, next week he might be addicted again ha.

Dan is treating me to a chinese takeout this evening.. yum!! Cant wait, I'm starving. We spent the afternoon at my parents, Dan is taking inline skating back up, and dusted off his skates and went to the park - he was back within half an hour with a bruised hand hahahaha serves him right for thinking he's still a teenager!

I let Hudson play on his own for 10 mins on Friday while I was getting ready, and this is what I came downstairs to...
He is an actual nightmare, he empties every toy out his box as soon as we go downstairs - he makes such a mess!!!

And last picture for today - what I see every day when I come downstairs, so cute...

Anything you can do, I can do better.

ARGHHHHHH!!!!! VENT VENT VENT!!!!

So, my SIL had a baby 2 days ago. I felt really rough when my brother rang, and my sister came over to me (we were both at mums) and asked if i was ok with the fact SIL has just given birth, and that I am being really quiet, cuz yanno I'm struggling to get pregnant... WTF we're not struggling, we just arent yet!

My 2 sisters wanted to go see them today, fair enough, except one sister (the one from above paragraph) has 2 snotty sick kids. I told mum I didn't think she should go, as it's unfair to take contagious children to see a 2 day old baby. The youngest one has just given Hudson another cold just a few days ago (it must be from him, as we haven't seen anyone else). Mum spoke to her and said do you think its a good idea yada yada and she hadn't even thought about it. Mum told her to ring my brother and see what he says. He thinks its fine (but then, what does he know, he doesnt care, its not him thats just given birth 2 days ago) so off she goes.

That's the first thing that made me mad. As I have decided I'm not going to see them tomorrow because Huds is still snotty and he loves babies and will want to hold her, which just isn't fair.

Second thing that has wound me up... Mum is on the phone to again said sister while we are coming back from food shopping (my sister doesnt know I'm in the car, and she's on loudspeaker) and she says how my SIL had such a great labour/birth and that women who have easy conception have easy births, unlike Laura... OMFG!! FUMING!!! I honestly wanted to explode, how dare she say I am struggling with conception or struggled with birth, just because I didnt have a 3 hour labour. Then she went on to say that her DH said that only nice people have easy labours and bitches have it hard, mum looked at me and said, well what about Laura, she isn't a bitch, and she replied that actually I am and I'm spending too much time with my other sister. urm. pot. calling. kettle.

Anyway, the whole fiasco made me want to cry. She knows we are trying for another baby, and she rubs my face in it that we still arent pregnant (whether on purpose or not i dont know). The thing is, I just relayed this entire rant to Dan (my DH for anyone who doesnt know) and he didnt even realise we are really trying for baby 2.

Hmm, reading all that back, it seems pretty petty, but it really riled me today, and I needed to get it out.

On a complete different note, I just watched the new Indiana Jones - wow its terrible. Like really really terrible. Unbelieveable, I wasted an entire evening when I could have been knitting.

Day of the Triffids

I have finally decided to take the plunge and write my own blog. It will likely be a mismatch of personal, business and crafty times.

Today is a crafty day. I finished a dress for a client, I hope she likes it. I'm making a skirt in the same yarn at the moment, and then shoes. I'm over the yarn, I dislike knitting with black to the nth degree, my eyes hurt from the squinting (although it could be because its almost midnight). I am in love with the bow though, and want to make a hundred of them, just because they are so cute.


I am over setting up my store before I even begin. Endless hours of stress and trying to work out what the hell I'm doing and I'm still nowhere nearer to getting it live. I still haven't got the currency converted from AUD to GBP (a pretty important change I need to make). I think having a baby has made me a technological retard.

Hudson told me he loved me last night. I cried.

I'm in the 2ww. Any likelihood of a baby bean this month is unlikely, but never impossible. My brothers wife gave birth yesterday morning, a little girl called Lois Nelle, I'm really pleased for them, but just that little bit jealous. They caught the same month we started trying, I cant shake the 'I wish it was me' feeling, as high school as it is, I just want to stomp my feet and ask when it will be our turn again. I'm so sure I wont be pregnant, but I've been looking at a blanket pattern on Ravelry, I cant get it out of my mind, and I've been thinking about what yarn I would use to make it, I did a little research and found someone selling off a skein of Lorna's Lace Shepherd in Huron. I had to have it. It will cost me a small fortune to make a blanket out of it, but I needed to try it out. So once I get my orders out the way and the MM swap out the way I shall make a teeny little hat and mittens set (which will coincidentally match the blanket and of course will mean I must have a winter baby, so it will get used). I am shocking, I really am.


Hudson is starting to draw/create faces. He's not even 2 yet. It's probably normal, but I think he's super clever! Here is his face (it's by his hand in magnet words) he made, as he was doing it he said 'one, two... heeeeyes (eyes), nooooose face!' yep, he definitely must be clever (and take after his dad!)